FLYING THE KUYT?

Liverpool are on the verge of completing the signing of Feyenoord's Holland international striker Dirk Kuyt.

Boss Rafa Benitez will finally get his man in the next 48 hours, according to the Daily Mail, after bombarding the Dutch club with a number of offers, including part-exchange deals involving Jerzy Dudek and Jan Kromkamp.

Kuyt was due back for pre-season training at Feyenoord on Monday but the club have given him seven days off to sort out his future.

Benitez had been worried that the £13.75 million asking price would scupper the deal but Liverpool are now investigating claims that the player has a £10.3 million release clause in his contract.

Kuyt scored 22 goals in 33 league games last season but now wants to play in England.


Drogballs: Not impressed with his performance during the World Cup. But if Rafa thinks he's good enough, then it's alright with me. Usually players who suck at the WC are the ones that perform in the leagues. Anyway it's only just a rumour so let's just sit back and wait for the latest.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH CHELSKI BEING 2ND SEEDED TEAM?

Liverpool Among Top Seeds In Champions League

But of course, we need to qualify first before we can be credited with the honour of being one of the top elite clubs in Europe. The draw for the qualifier will be drawn on the 28th July and if Liverpool successfully enter the competition, they will not face any of the top sides in Europe as well as Chelski (NOT AGAIN) and the fellow English teams. Chelski meanwhile, will face one of the top seeded teams (not Liverpool for sure due to country protection). Below are the ranking:

Top Seeds:

1 Barcelona (Spa) 127.0pts
2 Real Madrid (Spa) 120.0
3 Inter Milan (Ita) 112.0+
4 Liverpool (Eng) 105.9
5 Arsenal (Eng) 101.9
6 Man Utd (Eng) 100.9
7 Valencia (Spa) 95.0
8 Lyon (Fra) 89.7

Second seeds:

9 Porto (Por) 87.5
10 PSV Eindhoven (Hol) 81.6
11 Bayern Munich (Ger) 80.9
12 Chelsea (Eng) 79.9
13 Roma (Ita) 76.0
14 Ajax (Hol) 60.6
15 Celtic (Sco) 60.0
16 Lille (Fra) 54.7

Okay, this standing looks more reliable than that sh*tty FIFA World Rankings. It's based on club performances in Europe over the years and this bring me to another point, that is..

Chelski 2nd Seed? So Fooking What?

Yes, so I was reading the Newpaper today and was kinda shocked to see some biased newsreporting, okay maybe not. I'm not someone that takes the Newpaper seriously anyway. So this dude was complaining about why Chelski should be among the elites and should be awarded the top seeds. But come on, what has Chelski done in Europe for the past 5 years, bar the last 2-3 years when Abramovich came and bought them some toys and made them rich? Can you remember the Chelski of old? Mediocre at best and did they even win a European cup? The answer is of course NOT.

If I'm working for UEFA, I would've done the same thing anyway. What they have achieved over the years should not be glorified further and it's just a taint in planet football. The type of mentality they have imparted is wrong and do all the commentator really MEAN it when they say 'Chelsea brought freshness to the Premiership' ? My ar*e. Their presence does bring more competitiveness to the league, but are they really challeging in the fair way? When you have Duff, Robben, Cole, SWP and so many others playing in the same team, is it just squad depth, or just undermining a player's career? Why do they try to stop others from signing a player by upping the price? Why do they tap up other team's player? Why do they have a bunch of players that have absolutely no respect? You know the answer, right?

How much they've spent on players, we ALL know. You can safely say they bought their way to success. But did you ever see me complain about how ManYoo splash 24mil on a player? No, because they EARNED it themselves since their founding day and due to their excellent management, they have the achievement today. Chelsea? They'll be remembered just for having a f*cking sugar daddy, spoon feeding them while Mr. Abra milks motherland for more cash and roubles.

Sorry for another senseless rant, but I think Chelsea deserves this, absolutely.

Tags: Champions League, Seedings, Liverpool, Chelsea

AND ANOTHER ONE....

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock, and no hired hand.
He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off." she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my stockings."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire
light.
"Now take off my bra."
Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to
the floor.
"Now," she said, "take off my panties."
By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.
Then she looked at him and
said,












"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

I JUST CALLED....

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Hong Kong and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.A little old Chinese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a Jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord!".

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.

When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord".

A bit cheesed off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart.

The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical
expertise.

The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord".

Well and truly cheesed off that this little guy doesn't seem to
appreciate his playing ability.

Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smart ass. You get up here
and do it."

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mic and starts to sing .....

...











" A jazz chord, to say, I ruv you..."


Drogballs: I know I'm a chinese and shouldn't be laughing at this..but still...

NAME YOUR COMPANY'S URL PROPERLY, PLEASE

10 Most Misleading URL:

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com


Speed of fart? Hahahahaha.......Oh dear.

POT, KETTLE AND BLACK

'If he stays in England, I think he can turn things around. I think football players should play a lot and talk very little. He should keep quiet and do his job" - Jose Mourinho on Cry-naldo

It's not a pot calling the kettle black.




It's a tosspot calling the kettle black.

POOR, POOR, VIILLAINS

If you're not aware, the Aston Villa players had a revolt few days back and wanted Deadly Doug Ellis to get out of Villa. Footballers can be smart some times....

It alleged that physiotherapist Alan Smith could not claim for a cup of coffee on a foreign trip, that Ellis had refused to water the pitch because of a £300 charge and that the players were unhappy at the release of two part-time masseurs.

But Ellis has ridiculed the notion that a club employee would want to claim for something as trivial as a coffee, and has dismissed halting the watering as nonsense.

Two masseurs out of an original four, earning £22.50 per hour, have been released but only because the club claims it is over-laden in that department.

Juan Pablo Angel and Patrik Berger are said to be the only players who regularly use the service and Villa have five qualified physiotherapists who can provide massages.

I can't help but laugh.

OUCH !

What a punch!

HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES, I WILL GET HIM

Benitez Confident Of Alves Deal:-

Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez remains confident he can seal a deal for Sevilla fullback Daniel Alves.

Benitez says the Spanish club's stance over their £12 million asking price is merely a negotiating tactic and is adamant that his friendship with the Seville president will see the deal go through.

The Mirror says Rafa has told friends that "however long it takes I will get him."


Drogballs: What a man! I bet Alves is crying now, after reading this. Such a faithful man, hard to find eh? Anyway I really hope Alves does come to Anfield. I could sense that he is eager to join, it's just that Sevilla are trying to be funny and holding us hostage. Anyway in Rafa we trust, even if he doesn't come, I'm confident he'll bring in someone else.

Tags: Liverpool, Sevilla, Daniel Alves

REDS VICTORIOUS IN FIRST FRIENDLY

Friendly
Liverpool 2 - 0 Wrexham

Scorers:
LIV - Anderson (6min), Bellamy (52min);

Liverpool got their pre-season friendly campaign off to a winning start after goals from Paul Anderson and debutant Craig Bellamy gave them a 2-0 win over Wrexham at the Racecourse Ground on Saturday.

The breakthrough came when Riise made the first of what would become a series of powerful runs down the left and when he crossed to Anderson at the far post, the former Hull youngster treated the sell-out crowd to a wonderful volleyed finish. Reds boss Rafa Benitez handed debuts to Craig Bellamy and Gabriel Paletta in this game and they both showed good touches despite an obvious lack of match sharpness.

Paletta was substituted in one of eight changes made by Rafa at the break, but Bellamy stayed on and he scored a debut goal to make it 2-0 after 52 minutes. The half time introduction of Robbie Fowler meant that Rafa could have a first look at one of his potential strike partnerships and it took seven minutes for them to click because it was Fowler's pass that allowed Bellamy to run on and steer the ball passed Jones and into the net.

Bellamy was substituted soon after, but he looked well happy with his day's work as he shook hands with his Manager on the touchline. It took a good save from Jones to stop Pongolle from making it 3-0 in the 70th minute, but we were to see little more goalmouth action as the clocked ticked down. Rafa Benitez will be pleased that he has been able to give so many of his squad a run out and they will head for Crewe next week looking to step up their preparation for the new Premiership season.


Liverpool: Dudek, Roque, Paletta, Hobbs, Finnan, Riise, Zenden, Guthrie, Anderson, Bellamy, Idrizaj. Subs - Martin, Smith, Antwi, Hyypia, Diao, Peltier, Hammill, Fowler, Sinama Pongolle, O'Donnell, Threlfall;


Drogballs: A good start to the pre-season friendly. Not the thumping everyone was expecting, but a fair results nevertheless. Nice to see Craig Bellamy getting a goal and some reports suggest that Paletta was pretty good as was Hobbs and Paul Anderson. Remember, that the season is not a sprint, but a marathon. I would rather see us win 2-0 now and winning the league rather than thrashing them 7-0 and then run out of steam in the Premiership.


awwwwwwwww. lucky kid..

Tags: Liverpool, Wrexham, Friendly