Things You Won't Hear From Premiership Managers/Players In 2007

I know everyone's still feeling down after the last 2 painful defeats. Ah well, let's cheer up and move on with life. Have a laugh! Feel free to add in suggestions as well!


SIR ALEX FERGUSON: "All credit to Arsene. He is a fine manager and a true friend. I was only just saying to him over a bottle of good French plonk, Arsene pal, you got the better of me out there today."

ARSENE WENGER: "Yes, I did see it. And I thought we were extremely fortunate to be given the penalty. United have every right to feel aggrieved. I feel for Sir Alex tonight, I really do."

JOSE MOURINHO: "They were the better team and we rode our luck a little bit. Everybody makes mistakes and I am no exception. People tend to forget that I am just a normal guy doing a normal job."

NICOLAS ANELKA: "I have loved every minute of my time here and Bolton are carved upon my heart. I want to stay here for the rest of my career. I will even take a pay cut to achieve this dream."

HARRY REDKNAPP: "The fans don't know one import from the next these days. The sooner we get this new ruling restricting the number of foreign players in a team, the better for all concerned."

STEVE McCLAREN: "I am man enough to admit it was a gamble that didn't pay off. As anybody can see, we have missed David terribly. I have apologised to him and I am so glad he has agreed to come back."

NEIL WARNOCK: "He might have given away that debatable match-winning penalty in the last minute and sent three of our guys off, but I must admit I thought Graham Poll did a great job out there today."

ASHLEY COLE: "I've seen the error of my sickeningly greedy ways and will now be giving 95% of my wages to charity every week. Does any have a mobile phone I can borrow.... to ring my bank?"

MICHAEL BALLACK - Yes, I moved for the money, i know Chelsea has no heritage and are buying the league, but getting paid GBP120,000 a week was too good to refuse and i had to leave Beckenbauer 'cause he shagged my wife.

SAM ALLARDYCE: "Total football. Sexy football. That's always been the Bolton way".

JONATHAN WOODGATE: "Don't worry, boss. I won't be out for long. It's just a knock".

WAYNE ROONEY: "Oh come on Ref, that was clearly the wrong decision and I disagree with you, but I accept your mistake without resorting to foul language".

RAFAEL BENITEZ: "Every one of them was a star out there today, and they deserve the chance to play together again next week. After all, why change a winning team?"