Betting Tips for Wayne RoooOooney!

So this talented young lad, aged 21...has debt of 700k already! Below are a few tips for him to recoup some of the money!

* If you sign a note to a prostitute 'To Charlotte I shagged u on 28 Dec loads of love Wayne Rooney', she will go to the newspapers.

* Colleen McLoughlin(his wife) will be in at least one newspaper this week carrying a shopping bag. But probably three or four.

* At least one woman will allege they have had sex with you at some point during the World Cup. It matters not whether this is actually true.

* You will have at least one 'injury scare' that 'leaves the nation praying for a miracle' before the kick-off of the World Cup. There may be prayer mats involved.

* Sven will start you in every game in Germany with any injury less severe than total amputation of the right leg.

* Rio Ferdinand will jump on your back if you score a goal.

* You will not write a single word of the five volumes in your multi-million pound book deal.

* A foreign ref will understand enough words in the sentence 'What the f***ing f*** was that, you f***ing c***?' to issue a booking.

* The headlines 'Over The Roon', 'Wayne's World' and 'Coming To Get Roo' will be used a minimum of five times during the World Cup.

* Sir Alex Ferguson will ask you to retire from international football the day after the tournament.

haha. kinda funny...updates tomorrow! Back to playing Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion!