Three turtles set out for a picnic one fine summers morning. They walk for 15 days and finally get to their location. they all rest their little legs in their shells as andrew the turtle opens up the picnic basket.
In the basket is 3 bottles of lucozade, 3 cans of stella and some sausage rolls. Andrew and James turn to Peter and start shouting at him as he has forgotton the sandwiches and try to make him go back. Peter says no way cos when I get back all the food and drink will be gone. After an hour arguing peter agrees to go back and get the sandwiches but only if they promise not to eat the food.So he sets off and goes back home
15 days passed:
James says shall we have a sausage roll I am starving but andrew says no we've got to wait.
30 days pass and still no Peter. at this point the other two are starving but stick by their word and dont eat anything as they know he should be back soon
Another 15 days pass and they give up and decide that they will have a sauage roll as they are so hungry. so they pul it out the basket and take a bite.
At this point peter jumps out from behind a bush and says "I knew you would eat the food there is not a chance i am going now"
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant
Two woman go into a Chinese restaurant and order their selection.
Fifteen minutes later, a duck approaches their table with two roses and says "your eyes are sparkling like diamonds tonight"
The women, perturbed, call over the waiter The first women remarks " I'll think you'll find that we actually ordered an aromatic duck!"
Two fish in a tank.
One turns to the other and says,
"How do you drive this thing?"!
Laugh at your own peril!
Thursday, August 17, 2006