Friday, April 07, 2006

Have A Laugh, Mates!

---How many folk singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
5 - One to change the bulb and the other four to sing about how good the old one was.

---How many Iranians does it take to change a lightbulb?
30, one do change the bulb and 29 to hold the building hostage

---It's the beginning of the 1999 Treble season, and Arsenal won the double the previous year. So Alex Ferguson decides he needs to get some managerial tips from Arsene Wenger, and goes over to Highbury.
Fergie asks Wenger how his players did so well the previous season. Arsene, being a good sport, says, "Well, in addition to the skills and endurance training, I make sure I keep my players' minds in shape."

He then calls over Dennis Bergkamp to give Fergie an illustration. "Dennis, here's this week's enigma: it's your father's son, but not your brother. Who is it?"

"That's easy, it's me," Dennis answers immediately.

Fergie is shell-shocked. Sharpening footballers' minds! He is so excited with this newfangled continental method that he goes back to Trafford determined to implement this idea on his lads.

So at training the next day, Fergie calls Beckham over: "Davey, what do you think of this question: it's your father's son, but not your brother. Who is it?"

Becks is caught off balance, and rather than appear stupid asks for an hour to come up with the answer. During a break in fitness drills, he sidles up to Andy Cole and whispers, "Hey Andy, it's your father's son, but not your brother. Who is it?"

"Haha Dave, it's me of course. You should have known that!"

Becks is ecstatic that he's got the answer. He runs over to Fergie and says, "Gaffer, that enigmer you asked me before? The answer's Andy Cole!"

"No you thick f*cking moron!" roars Fergie, "The f*cking answer's f*cking Dennis Bergkamp!"

---Why do all Chinese people live in North West London?
Cos when they get into a cab at the airport they say "Harrow taxi drive!" (Harrow's a place in London)

---An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Irishman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.

He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta da broom, an' you tella me dat da Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."

Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did lad, but I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I counna fin' him."

The foreman is really angry now, and storms off toward the pile of sand, looking for the Chinese guy.

Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells...

"Supplies!" (Suprise!)

hahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha. enough of laughing at chinese la, we're chinese after all, just that we dont supplies people...oops.

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